The first week of 2018 is over, and for most of the week I was still relaxing in my house with Christmas decorations all around me as I held on to this beautiful holiday feeling. My whole day consisted of drinking coffee and getting lost with Leo in the world for a little, not knowing the time or day. I haven’t really began to think about what starting a new year really means, as my mind has still been partially stuck in 2017.
You see, a lot changed in 2017,
We went through many stages with Leo as most of it consisted of Leo going through his terrible twos—It was the year of tantrums and potty training. It was also the year that consisted of developmental tests and therapies for Leo, as we struggle with a toddler who refuses to eat most foods except pancakes, eggs, and fruit and who struggles with speech. As stressful as it all can be, I have been able to see our Leo grow so much, and his personality has never shined more.
Also, My Husband graduated from architecture school and began his career. Two moments that will resonate in my heart and mind forever.
Mentally—this year was a rollercoaster. There were many beautiful moments, but in the midst of those moments, there was a war in my mind. It didn’t matter how beautiful life was, because I was mentally not able to be in school, be a good mom and deal with life at the same time. As a result I chose to focus on work and Leo and was out of school for most of the year.
Physically—I felt broken and tired for most of the year. This was partly because anxiety has always made me feel weak and stuck, but mostly because I have to chase around a 34-pound toddler who is half my size.
Honestly, I don’t think I have ever really made an actual hand written (typed) list of resolutions or goals that I have for myself. In the previous years they were nothing but thoughts of hope that the New Year would be a happy year and I could somehow become a better version of myself.
For once I will make a list and sign my name in the end making it the most official resolution list I have ever written.
I have many resolutions for myself, starting with taking better care of my skin/face, trying to grow thicker eyebrows, whitening my teeth, getting a tan, and working on my confidence. However, my biggest resolution for the year is to be more in control and aware of my mind, body and life and here is the list I hope will help me accomplish this.
- Exercise and create a healthier lifestyle
- Make a workout routine with my husband
- Do yoga and more breathing exercises
- Keep up with my Psychiatrist appointments
- Write/journal more in order to get all the hindering thoughts out of my mind and on paper.
- Most importantly keep up with this blog.
- Go back to being my creative-self.
- Utilize art and collages as a therapeutic method.
- Compose Music again/play the guitar more. (Is anyone down to jam with me?)
- Eat Healthier
- Focus on Leo’s eating habits
- Drink Water EVERY DAY
- Make a list of Healthier choices.
- Live life outside of the places I’m used to.
- Go out more with friends
- Take Leo to explore the city more
- Drive on the Freeway
- MOST IMPORTANTLY be present in every moment, be the best parents for Leo, prioritize Family Time, and put God before anything.
This year I will live and not be confined to the restrictions of my mind. Instead I’ll wander the creative corners of my mind and express my artistic findings through art, writing, photography and exploration. I’m hoping that this list is only the beginning of many other goals I will continue to set for myself.
I wish everyone nothing but the best blessings for the rest of the year.