I have always been an unusual girl. I grew up writing everything down as my mind thought of and created a whole world. Creating collages, stories, and music is what has kept me sane all my life.
Its hard to explain everything that is in my mind. If someone would pick at my brain I’m sure they would get lost.
I see my brain as being someone beautiful. I wish I was the Vanessa that I am in my mind, because in my mind, I’m fearless, I’m secure about who I am and the way I look, and totally badass when I talk to others. But then someone actually says hi and I respond “good” in the least attractive voice possible. So I think about that all day and feel stupid, a little sad, and really ugly.
Anxiety has always been there in my life and as beautiful as my mind can make life seem, in reality, growing up I felt alone. I became terrified of people seeing me as crazy to the point that I wasn’t able to talk about it with anyone.
Feels tired a lot.
Shaky all the time.
Sweats a lot.
Curls up a lot.
Takes many breathing breaks in bathrooms.
Has trouble breathing in many situations.
Forgets how to talk sometimes.
Nervously laughs a lot.
Responds to general questions with an answer that has nothing to do with the question.
Forgets the answer to questions so just laughs and walks away.
Forgets how to speak Spanish.
Forgets how to speak English.
Has a hard time replying to text or messages.
Refuses to answer phone calls.
Has a shaky voice when talking to a group of people.
At times overly shares about a certain situation.
Has been referred to as weird, shy, awkward, and quiet.
Is in their mind A lot.
But is also Cool AF in their mind.
The definition of crazy is someone or something that is insane or not mentally sound. An example of crazy is an idea that makes absolutely no sense. An example of crazy is a person who is in a mental hospital and who is yelling, hallucinating and otherwise acting like they are insane.
To many. I am Crazy because I live with anxiety everyday. There are times that I believe them as I feel my mind going insane when I imagine what people think.
But then I remember, “oh yeah.. I’m really not crazy.” I don’t even fall anywhere under the definition of crazy.
Having a mental illness does not make anybody crazy! If anything it makes us very nice and cool human beings who see the world differently and are sympathetic towards everyone.
One thing that I hope people who read my blog get from this is that many people suffer from anxiety. Since it’s becoming more common for young adults and children to suffer from a mental illness, it should be something that parents should be more educated about.
I want my son to grow up in a place where if he ever had anxiety he does not feel crazy, and he will be comfortable enough to speak up and talk about it.